i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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