Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
