I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
