he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
