My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
