dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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