You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
