So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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