I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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