just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
