it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
