Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
