girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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