your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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