are you still at the devil's house?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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