and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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