p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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