Swine flu. Run for my life!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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