the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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