I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
