I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
