can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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