Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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