Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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