I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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