so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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