I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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