also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that's an acceptable place to lick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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