If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
