I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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