That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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