I think scott just propositioned me for sex
North Korea, Best Korea!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
