Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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