omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pooping to opera.
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