i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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