i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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