I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
