She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
