He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
