do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
