I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
