I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
