Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
