I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
