I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
