If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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