What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
