Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
