If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
