So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
