I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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