She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
