Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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