Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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