we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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